Break myself
by Brilanna
Summary: An old friend of Carlisle arrives with his coven in Forks. When something really strange happens as the vampires all meet, the coven is rearranged. How will everyone deal with the stange newborn Lana? R&R! Lana POV
1. Chapter 1

**Break myself**

**Chapter 1 – Struggling against… - **

Looking at me in the mirror still felt like looking at some stranger. It was hard getting used to looking like that. The pale skin, the crimson eyes, the glistening teeth. I felt like someone else and looked like someone else. It was weird; it was hard knowing that nothing would ever be the same again.

"Lana?", someone called me and I heard the shutting of the door behind me. I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply. I shouldn't let them see my suffering, I thought to myself. It wasn't their fault. "Are you alright?" I turned and looked into the eyes of my opponent. They were nearly black, shimmering burgundy around the pupils. "I'm fine.", I said, feeling the rage bubbling inside of me.

He said nothing, just looking at me knowingly. "I know, it's hard…", he said silently, his voice wasn't more than a whisper, but – of course – I heard him clearly. The new sight, the new hearing still scared me. I heard things I didn't even want to hear. "Please, spare this." I said and turned away from him, taking some steps towards the window. I had heard often enough how they all had gone through this, how they all would love to be human again, how they all understood me so well. I wanted to throw up at the thought – if I had been able to throw up anyway.

"He had to do it and you know that." Alexis' voice was harsh now, he couldn't stand me struggling against what I'd become. In fact, he felt responsible – which he was – and moreover he was the one who never adjusted to this new life completely. "Right.", I said, looking out into the setting sun, I looked down at my arms, my bare skin glistened mysteriously. A second thing I would never get used to. Those weren't my arms, not really.

"Lana…" He stood right behind me now, I felt his breath, it felt normal, nearly warm against my skin, but I knew, if I had been the way I had before, it would cause goose bumps on my neck in its iciness. I drew my eyes away from my arms, looking at his reflection in the window. "You know, that I'll never get used to this.", I said.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to turn and cradle myself against his chest, wanting him to comfort me, wanting him – him of all people! – to ease my pain. A pain nobody could understand. He gulped, his eyes showing all the sorrow, his 200 years existence had caused him. "You will.", he said, his voice trailing off, as if it wanted to break down, release something of him I had never seen. "I have to.", I corrected him, turning towards him. He was much taller than me; I had to lift my head to look into his eyes. "Just like you had to."

We just stood there, never taking the eyes from each other, never blinking, never breathing. I was the only one of the coven, who understood him like that and he knew it. Did he feel weak? Did he feel relieved that there was somebody now to whom he could talk? I couldn't know and I didn't want to as well. The room around us went black, before he finally moved. "I'm sorry, this is causing you pain.", he said, clearing his throat. It felt weird, hearing his voice now. "I know you are.", I said and tried to force the new marble lips of mine into a smile. "I didn't want to upset you." He returned the smile and stepped back, I felt a wall rising up between us once more. There had been some incidents like tonight. Whenever I thought, we could read each other better than ourselves, but as soon, as one of us made a move backwards, it was gone, leaving us alone once more. So, he turned away and left me alone, closing the door behind him.

It was a week now since we moved to this place. It was some ancient villa at the edge of Washington; we had to relocate now and then, so that we didn't cause too much trouble in one area. It had been hard for them to move the last time, especially for Madelyn, she had just gotten used to the new environment. I destroyed it for them, as a newborn, I wasn't quite as adjusted to human company as they all were. It hadn't been nice; the papers had been full of horrifying articles about some serial killer, so that we left in a hurry. William had assured me that it wasn't my fault and that nobody would hold a grudge against me, but I knew, they did. The females at least. 'Well, I didn't really ask to join them, did I?' I thought bitterly, laying my cold fingers against the window, I had to be very careful, not to break it by accident. Nevertheless, if I hadn't become this, I would be dead by now. And although I didn't allow myself to think this a lot, I should have been grateful that William had changed me, well, stopped Alexis from killing me in fact…

_So, what do you say? Don't be upset, because there are no Twilight characters up till now. Give it a try! :) Lots of love, B._


	2. Chapter 2 Night time

**Chapter 2 – Night time – **

The night fell rapidly around us, creating the one atmosphere that we felt comfortable in. We didn't have to hide, not really. Of course, I wasn't quite in the shape for running around with humans. Their warmth, their blood pumping through their body still made me furious. I couldn't control it, not the way the others did. When I walked down the stairs into the living room, William and Mary were sitting on the couch, talking quietly and fast to each other. Almost only hissing under their breaths. The moment I entered the room, their voices went dead. "Lana…", William said, holding his hand out towards me. "It's good to see you." "Right…", I said, not quite able to control the sarcastic tone in my voice. Whenever I looked at him, at the black hair that fell smoothly around his face, that never aged, that was frozen in its 30-year-state, I had to remember the one intimate moment we shared, now nearly a year ago.

"_I'll deal with it, Alex. Just leave – NOW!" The pain was worse. Worse than anything I ever experienced. I could feel the ribs, broken and shattered, stabbing through the thin skin on my chest, felt the blood that filled my mouth now. _

_I wished for death, since the moment, he had first laid his hands on me._

"_Lana, listen to me!" The voice was muted by a black veil of satin that laid itself upon me, I wanted to give in to it, wanted to feel the warmth of it, the relief of feeling nothing. Going to a place, where fear would not exist. "Lana!", the voice called again, angry now. I opened my eyes, looking into black eyes, the eyes that caused the horror that was sobbing through my brain. "No!", I wanted to scream, wanted to run, wanted to… Live? "Listen, I won't let you die." Won't let you die… Won't let you die… It was everything I heard, and then, the pain became even worse…_

I made my way through the living room and up to the kitchen, it was empty and dark, I didn't switch on the lights. In my opinion, this room was the oddest one in the house; vampires didn't need kitchens, didn't need refrigerators or anything like that, but still, it felt like home. I sat down on the floor, leaning back against the stone wall, resting my chin on my knees. To my discomfort, Mary entered the kitchen shortly after me, sitting down on one of the wooden chairs. "We'll go hunting tonight.", she said slowly, examining me closely. "I'll stay." I was in no mood for hunting parties, I had feed two days ago and wasn't too thirsty. William had said I got able to control the thirst better each day. It was a relief, the burning in my throat had made me so angry, confused and most of all – uncontrollable. "He said, you would say that, but I'm afraid, you'll have to come with us. Things won't get out of hand again." She frowned, internally cursing me for making them move altogether. "I fed too days ago." It was like arguing with my mother, whether I had to go to school or I hadn't. I wished, my days were full of these little fights you had as a human. I missed school, which was stupid enough. I missed sleeping. Sleeping was the thing I probably missed the most. I had dreamed a lot back then, dreaming myself into other parts of the world, where I had been some ancient princess or brave Amazon. "He knows that, Lana. We just have to make sure. Especially, as we're going to meet some old friend of his." "Friend?", I asked, suddenly curious. "They know each other from the old days in London. We'll leave in about an hour. Be ready." She stood up, throwing me another bewildered look and left the room. Some old friend… I wondered who that might be, William always spoke about some vampires he had met centuries ago, but whom he never believed to see again. But with the new media… I laughed internally. Did vampires meet in chat rooms? I shook my head and stood up, slowly heading up the stairs to my room. I had to get my stuff, the cloak and stuff. Upstairs I nearly ran into Madelyn, who was lingering in front of the bathroom, muttering something to herself. "What are you doing here?", I asked, trying to ignore her hostile look. "Getting ready.", she answered, closing the buckles of her boots. "You know what kind of friend William plans on meeting?" Although I wasn't eager on talking to Madelyn for long, I really was curious about meeting others I could be around without wanting to rip their head off. "Some old friend from London. He said, he was called Carlisle back then, but they didn't really kept in touch, obviously." I nodded. "Well then, meet you downstairs." She hurried down the staircase and was gone. Carlisle? I thought about it, trying to remember stories, William had told me during my time between life and death. I remembered some of it, but nothing about a guy called Carlisle…

_I don't know, if anybody reads this, but here's the second chapter. Let's see what happens next. :) Love, B._


	3. Chapter 3 Newborn temper

**Chapter 3 – Newborn temper – **

The next day started of nicely, with a pale sun at the blue sky.

I stood at the window of my room again. Wishing so hard

that I would be able to go outside,

to lie down in the sun and feel the warmth on my skin.

I could have – somewhere else. Somewhere more hidden and dark.

We'd been hunting the last night, so my eyes were now a shining red,

I tried to not be aware of them staring back at me in the reflection.

A knock on the door made me turn around. "Come in.", I mouthed.

There was no need to speak loudly;

whoever stood there understood me clearly. William entered,

dressed all over in black. "Good morning.", I said.

No need to be too sarcastic today. "Good morning.",

he answered and joined me near the window.

"It's a nice day outside." He sighed. "You'd like to go outside, don't you?"

I nodded. "No point in being miserable about it."

Getting used to it was my first priority for now on.

Getting used to it and then, try to make something out of it. Anything.

"Mary already told you that I intend on seeing an old friend of mine, didn't she?"

I nodded again.

"So, Carlisle lives with some others near a small town named Forks.

He and I met in London. We didn't have what you would call a friendship."

I saw sarcasm in his eyes. "But we came to accept each other

and as the years passed, we met sometimes,

realizing that we really appreciated each other.

He's a good guy. A little too good for our race."

Race. Ugh. "What do you mean?" "Well, he's - what he calls himself –

a vegetarian." I frowned. "He's only drinking animal blood."

William explained to me, shuddering slightly.

Obviously a disgusting thought for him. "He and his 'family',

I should say." "Coven.", I corrected,

finding the word family too weird in connection with 'our race'.

"I don't think you can say that. But, don't worry,

you'll see for yourself soon enough."

"That's all you wanted to tell me?" I was sure, there was something else.

Some hidden warning I had missed. "Listen, Lana.

You're still young. Very young. I don't want anything bad to happen

when we get there." "Bad? Like me trying to kill one of them?"

He really found me capable of it. I wanted to laugh.

"You still have newborn powers. If you lose your temper…"

I grinned sarcastically. "That would be bad for them."

I announced and looked away.

This was the proof of everything I had thought to myself.

They detested me. My behaviour and my essence.

"I don't think, you're not able to control yourself.

If I thought so, you wouldn't be here by now.

I just wanted to ask you to be _very_ careful. Do you hear me?"

I reluctantly nodded. "Alright. We'll leave at twilight."

He left without another word. I leaned my forehead against the cold glass.

Existing became harder to bear with every minute that passed.

I thought the pain would lessen, but instead, it only hurt me more and more.

I wasn't sure if I would be able to keep myself inconspicuous with the other coven around. Furthermore, there was something I had to deal with beforehand.

I felt the need to go and talk to Alexis. I had thought about my conversation

with him a lot and had jumped to the conclusion

that I had to apologize somehow. For trying to make him feel miserable

for my defiance. I knew where I would find him.

At this time of the day he would be sitting in the office, reading stuff.

He told me once that he tried to find out everything about 'our race'

as William had so insensitively put it. I entered the hallway

and stopped in front of the dark wooden door.

I lifted my hand to knock, but something held me back.

The memories of the both of us together, suddenly entered my mind again.

How close I had come to dying, so that I had to become this.

I shook my head and with it, the memories vanished.

I knocked slightly and didn't wait for an answer.

He sat at the desk, a thick encyclopaedia in front of him and looked up at me.

I smiled slightly. "I didn't want to disturb your studies."

There was calmness in his eyes, I saw it clearly. "Never mind.",

he said and leaned back in the chair.

I closed the door behind me and leaned against the cold wood.

"I wanted to apologize." I held his gaze; it wasn't embarrassing

to feel the intensity this look built up between us.

"For what?" "For trying to make you feel miserable."

He frowned and pushed himself up, slowly circling the desk into my direction.

"You needn't apologize, Lana. If someone has the right

to make me feel miserable, it's you." I inhaled sharply.

The images slowly fought their way back into my head.

"No, it was wrong.", I choked, looking at my feet.

Suddenly, he was there, I felt his hand under my chin,

slowly lifting my face up until I met his gaze.

His touch felt very wrong and very right at the same time.

"Will you do me a favour?" He was whispering now,

the sweetness of his breath was pleasant. I tried to smile.

I hadn't been this close to anyone since my transformation.

With my back against the wall, it oddly scared me. No escape this time. Again.

"That depends.", I said, recalling, that this time I was the stronger one.

At least for now. "On what?" We looked at each other again,

his eyes were strangely black. He had fed last night,

they should have been dark red instead of black.

"Just say it and I'll think about it."

He smiled mischievously. "Don't kill me.", he hissed,

and in a heartbeat, his lips met mine. I closed my eyes,

realizing how strange this should feel,

but knowing at once that it felt more comforting

than anything else I had felt in the past year.

My arms were around his neck instinctively,

pressing my body closer to his, willingly, he moved even closer.

Our lips parted slightly, so that I could taste the sweet wetness,

the softness even better.

He groaned, pressing us against the door.

'You shouldn't let this happen…', a tiny voice in my head whispered.

But I knew, that it was too late now…

_Let me know what you think!! Next chapter, the Cullens will get involved into the story at last… Review! :) Love, B._


	4. Chapter 4 The Cullens

**Chapter 4 – The Cullens – **

Outside the car, the world had gone black. I stared out of the window at the back of the car, trying to think about anything but about what had happened a few hours ago. As much as it was embarrassing, it was making things too complicated. How should I act around Alex now? Should we talk about it? Did this mean that there was something more between us?

He was driving, so I was saved for now, but soon enough, we would be alone somehow and I would be too insecure to say anything. I would have thought that things like that changed as soon as you became a vampire, because you had nothing left to lose. But I knew, there was something I could lose. The last ounce of self-respect I had left.

It was bad enough that all the others knew. We hadn't been that discreet, I must admit. There was something different about making love with superpowers and 3 others around the house, who would hear even a pin drop. Nobody had said a word to me since we had gone onto the ride to Forks. I wasn't mad about it, but I still would have liked to know what they were thinking.

The landscape flew by and changed into a thick forest. I supposed, we must have been quite close now. It was raining heavily. At least, Alex pulled onto a porch in front of a huge house. I was amazed, I had to admit.

It was timeless, there were lights everywhere, a wide staircase leading the way to the front door. I slowly opened the door and stepped out. I didn't care about the rain, but even enjoyed the wetness on my skin, when suddenly the door opened and a tall figure stepped out of the house, the shadow was easy to see against the light that was flowing down the stairs now. I saw William stepping forwards, the others keeping their distance.

We must have looked quite weird. All the others standing a few feet away from me. I grinned sarcastically. I thought, I would have to find somewhere else to live quite soon. "Carlisle.", William said cheerfully and walked up the stairs. The two men looked at each other, and then laid their hands onto each other's shoulders. "William." This Carlisle had a voice so soft and soothing, it felt strange to me. Although every vampire was able to sooth their prey because of their voice, his sounded a lot more natural in this tone than any other I had heard up till now. "Come on in." I saw the others moving and slowly followed. There was a weird feeling that slowly crept its way into my mind.

We stepped into a large room that seemed to be some kind of living room. There were 6 other vampires. Three men, three women. I positioned myself behind the others, wanting to have a look at them first.

All three men were tall and muscular, but still too different to be compared to each other. One was the bear-like type, with heavy muscles, that showed from underneath his shirt. The red-haired one looked at us with watchful eyes. I recognized that all of their pupils had a slight golden colour. I frowned. It looked weird, as you considered their nature. All of the women were beautiful, but the blonde one was the most beautiful. Still, she looked as if she was adamant. William and Carlisle followed us, I could see that they were familiar. I had never seen William this open except with Mary. "I'm really glad to see you again, my friend.", he said and smiled. "So am I.", Carlisle answered. "And here's my family." He moved closer to the woman that seemed to be his mate. "This is Esme. And my sons, Edward, Jasper and Emmett. As well as my daughters Rosalie and Alice." 'My family', he had said. Again, it seemed weird to me, but there was some kind of connection between them that seemed almost capable in the air. The way they stood there, close to each other, a protective look on all of their faces. This was nothing compared to the coven, William had build up for himself.

William stepped forward and greeted each one of them. Too much politeness, I thought to myself and leaned against one of the white walls. All I wanted was either to leave or to get some answers about the thing with the "vegetarians", William had mentioned before. Maybe that was why their eyes had this strange colour…

"So, would you like to introduce your coven?" I looked up again. William was turning towards us, I stood straight again. I had promised to not make mistakes. I would hold onto that for now. "Of course. This is Mary, my mate." Mary stepped forward and stood now very close to him. I was sure that she didn't know anyone of the strange golden-eyed vampires as well. "Alexis. Madelyn." Both of them made a step forward and politely nodded at the others. I got slowly bored… "And Lana." I forced myself to smile a bit and stepped forward as well. I looked into the eyes of Carlisle, that had the look, you'd imagine of a father, of a wise mentor.

But suddenly, his gaze froze. He shot a quick glance at William. "She's a newborn." It was the one fact, that suddenly made them all turn into my direction. The tall blonde guy was suddenly next to Carlisle, staring at me. I folded my arms across my chest and slowly backed away. I could see it in their eyes.

They were afraid. Nobody said a word, when everyone of the other coven positioned himself around Carlisle, building up a front towards me. I imagined a mouse trapped in a mousetrap. "Yes, she is, but she's under my supervision.", William said slowly. "She won't do any harm.", he added with a quick glance at me.

I shook my head and laughed quietly. "I'm not eager to stay.", I said and brushed a strand of hair behind my right ear. "I can leave right now." They all looked at me, frozen in their places. I saw the red-haired guy putting a hand on Carlisle's shoulder. I heard him mutter something that sounded like "I can't hear her.". I didn't understand it, but either of them did.

And then, as I looked into his eyes, and his gaze met mine, a thousand pictures flew through my mind. I gasped. Pictures of places, I'd never seen, people, I didn't know, thoughts, I had never thought. I felt arms grapping me, someone calling my name – and suddenly, it was over. I inhaled deeply, Alex face above me and I realized that I was on the ground with him kneeling beside me. "What happened?", he looked at me, stroking my forehead. I shook my head. "I don't know." He tightened his grip and easily pulled me up into a standing position. I closed my eyes, laying my head against his shoulder. Where did all these pictures come from?

"Edward, what happened?" Behind me, voices were babbling, nearly shouting at each other.

"There were pictures of my past… My parents, the Denalis, Alaska…", he said. And I froze in my position. There had been snow in some pictures and people, vampires. I recalled them now, as they had been too fast for me to really appreciate them before.

"Lana?" I recognized the voice of Carlisle and slowly lifted my head. "Can I talk you to alone for a minute?" I felt Alex' grip tighten around my waist, but I didn't care. "Yes.", I managed to choke out and slowly followed him, past all the others that looked at me as if I had done something very, very wrong…

_What do you say? Something weird going on, right? There's gonna be more details next chapter, I just had to get through the introduction at first… Review! :) Love, B._


	5. Chapter 5 Powers

_This is chapter 5! Let me know what you think! What do you think will happen next? O.o Love, B._

**Chapter 5 – Powers –**

He led me up a staircase and into a large room with wooden bookshelves all around. He sat down in the leather chair behind the desk, where even more books were laying.

"Have a seat." I looked at him curiously. What would be my punishment for doing something I didn't even plan on doing? William had announced that he didn't want anything bad to happen. Had he thought of this? I sat down slowly. "Before I have to question you, I need to tell you something about our family.", Carlisle said and folded his arms across his chest. I nodded slightly. "We are not like other vampires. We don't drink human blood, but live on feeding with animal blood. But that's not the weirdest thing about us. Some of us have certain – powers."

He coughed lightly. "Alice can see the future." I opened my eyes in shock. I wasn't planning on interrupting him, but that was really weird. "She sees the future?", I asked in disbelief. "How is that possible?" I saw him smile. "We don't really know. I have theories that there might have been some possibilities within her before she became a vampire and that these were aggravated after her transformation."

That sounded nearly reasonable. I nodded slightly.

"All right. Jasper is able to control the feelings of those around him. He can calm down a fight quite easily." I didn't interrupt this time. Influencing feelings sounded a lot more reasonable than seeing the future.

"And Edward is able to hear the thoughts of people around him. See, hear, know, whatever goes through their minds." I had to look at my feet.

"That was, what he meant with 'I can't hear her', right? That he couldn't read my mind?" Carlisle nodded. "Yes, this didn't happen before. But I think, something really did happen, when you looked at each other, right?" I nodded. I remembered the glance in his golden eyes before I hit the floor.

"Did you ever notice, that you – I mean – were able to do things? To look into someone's head or something? That you answered questions nobody had asked out loud? That you saw pictures of places you hadn't even been in your whole life?" Looking at him again, I saw the anxiety in his eyes. What did he think was I? Some kind of freak? "No." I shook my head in disagreement. "Not until tonight. I looked into his eyes and suddenly, all these pictures were rushing through my mind. I haven't done anything on purpose, I really haven't. I don't even know what I should have done to cause this!"

I grabbed the arms of the chair I was sitting in. The wood gave away easily, with a loud crack both arms fell to the ground and I was on my feet. "It's alright, Lana. I'm not judging you, calm down." He was right beside me, his hand on my right shoulder. "Do you believe me?" My voice was full of disbelief. Somehow they all would be sure that this was MY fault. "Yes, I do. You're young, you don't know what your powers are." Slowly calming down, I heard a knock at the door.

"Come on in, Jasper.", Carlisle called and the tall blonde guy was with us in the room. "We heard some noise.", he said, looking at me with a hostile look in his eyes. He looked at the smashed chair. "It's alright, Jazz. Lana doesn't quite know how to control her temper." He nodded lightly.

"But anyway, I'm glad, you came. I want to try something." Try something? If I had had a beating heart, it would have beat so fast by now, it would have broken through my chest.

"What do you mean?", I asked confused. Carlisle looked at me again. "I'm curious what will happen, when Jasper tries his power on you. It should show us, how your power works or if it works. Are you alright with that?"

He could control emotions, that wouldn't hurt. Maybe it would even help me to think clearly, if only for a moment. "Alright.", I said and turned to look at Jasper. "Try it with calming her down, Jazz. Might be the best thing to do." Jasper nodded and looked at me. I waited to feel something, the confusion leaving or the anxiety lessen, but there was nothing. Instead, Jasper's eyes fought to stay open, but slowly closed.

I frowned, but then he shook his head, turned away from me and was back to normal again. "You felt what you wanted to make her feel, right?", Carlisle asked. There was some joy in his voice I couldn't recall. "What does that mean?", I asked him. "I think we found out what you can do." I backed away. "I didn't do anything!", I said. I felt anger rising up inside me. "No, I know. But your mind did. I think, you imitate the power of your opponent and use it against him."

"You mean, like a mirror?" He nodded. "Exactly."


	6. Chapter 6 Secrets

_Chapter 6 is up! :) Thanks a lot for the reviews, good guess btw! I hope you like it, maybe Lana gets a little better to understand now. Review! :) Love, B._

**Chapter 6 – Secrets – **

How do you react, when you get to know, that you're not 'normal'? That you can do things, nobody else can?

From the moment, when I had seen those pictures in Edward's head, I felt, as if the world, that was already upside down since William had changed me, was disordered once again. Since none of my coven had powers other vampires had not, I wasn't used to things like that.

I was standing at the window of Carlisle's office, watching the raindrops slowly falling on the dark ground. They had left, leaving me alone for a while so that I could rearrange my thoughts, my feelings. How can a vampire feel helpless? I knew, that my new 'power' should somehow please me, but instead, I felt isolated from everyone else, leprous.

"Trying to see some sense in being like that?", a soft voice asked behind me. I wanted to turn, but he stopped me. "I think, we should try to not exchange memories again."

It was Edward. I smiled sarcastically and nodded, staring out the window again. "It's not that easy to accept, is it?" I shook my head slowly. "I thought, I'd been punished enough for one life… I mean, existence.", I announced, folding my arms across my chest. "Punished?" I heard curiosity in his voice. "I didn't want to become this, you know.", I said silently, not sure, if I should share this kind of thoughts with a vampire I hardly knew. "Then why did you became 'this'?" He accentuated it ironically.

I smiled, honestly this time. "Because otherwise I would be dead by now. Although I'm not so sure if that would be worse." Both of us laughed. It felt weird, as if he understood, what I was thinking. What I had been thinking all along. "Who changed you?", he asked. "William. He wasn't sure if he was strong enough, that's what he told me after the burning, but he somehow made it." "Because?" I thought that I really must have caught his attention by now.

"That's kind of a long story… I don't think it's that interesting." "I've heard a lot of boring stories throughout my existence. I think, I can handle it." I heard him sitting down in the leather chair.

"Well… It was about a year ago, that I met Alexis in a bar. Somehow, we got into a conversation; I was a little drunk and didn't really know that something was wrong with him.

All of them are quite adjusted to dealing with humans, I have to add. Although they still feed the 'traditional way', you wouldn't recognize that they're different to any other human… Well, we left together." I heard him inhaling sharply. He knew what happened then.

"There was some kind of tension between us, but I didn't recognize that it was far from being physical attraction in human ways… He freaked out and – treated me quite badly." I shut my eyes, the pictures were the sharpest I had from my human life. The pain, the misunderstanding, the pain in his eyes, the pain in my chest, as if my heart was going to break through.

We were quiet for a long time, but the silence wasn't embarrassing. I had no idea, why I told him that. Maybe it was because I had looked into his head as well.

"Why did he want William to change you in the first place?" His voice was blank and his question hit me like a slap in the face. I had thought about this a lot and asked him, without really getting a satisfying answer.

"I don't know.", I admitted. "He said, he somehow regretted, what he had done, as if he woke from a bad dream. I don't quite understand myself."

"Maybe he wanted to keep you…", he answered slowly. "Keep me?", I asked. It sounded like you would talk about a pet.

"Maybe his attraction to you wasn't only because of him being a vampire. I saw the way he looked at you, how protective he is around you. As if you needed protection!" He laughed lightly. "You think so?"

Was this the answer to the weird closeness I had felt between us? The answer to our strange connection? "I was able to read his mind, anyway.", he answered nonchalant. "Right.", I muttered and fell silent again.

"I think we should go downstairs. Carlisle wants to tell the others what happened." Like it was any of their business. I sighed and laid my hands against the glass of the window.

"I don't think I want to talk to anyone." All I wanted was to stay here, be on my own and think about a way out of this mess. Maybe I should just leave, start all over again.

"Well, I don't think you have any choice. You'll have to decide, when William will take you to Volterra…"


	7. Chapter 7 Decisions

_Chapter 7 is up… :) Thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate it! So, question: Would you like to read some flashbacks? I thought about writing some, especially to introduce Lana and Alex better, maybe to get their story going a bit. So, what do you think? Love, B._

**Chapter 7 – Decisions –**

"Carlisle, I will not take her there. There's nothing you can do or say that'll change my point of view!" William was angry, very angry. I had no idea, what they were really talking about. When we had joined the others in the 'conference room', as I would have called it, because of the large wooden table, there was already some fight going on. Everyone had looked at me quite strange, but then, the attention had shifted to the two men at the head of the table, who looked fiercely at each other.

"If you don't take her and the Volturi get to know somehow that you kept it a secret from them, everything will get worse. You know that as well as I do!", Carlisle announced. There was no rage in his voice. William didn't answer at first and I thought, that this must have been my opportunity to say something. I cleared my throat; at once, everyone's eyes were on me, "Isn't it kind of my decision to make?", I asked, looking straight at Carlisle. He was the rational one, I was sure that he would explain everything to me, as soon as I had the opportunity to ask what I was curious about. It was strange, feeling like that towards someone I didn't even know.

Throughout the year that I had spent with William's coven, I didn't feel like that towards William or the other females, Mary and Madelyn. Somehow, there was a barrier between us, a barrier that now seemed nearly visible in the air. I saw it in the way they looked at me, the deprecating look in their eyes. I was to blame for something – again. "Lana, you have to know, that there are rules in our world.", Carlisle began, but William interrupted him. "I told her about the rules as soon as I was able to talk some sense into her." I nodded. "That's right. William told me, how we had to remain inconspicuous and all that stuff."

"Alright. So you know, that the Volturi try to make sure that these rules are followed among our kind." "Yes." "So, there's another rule that we have to follow." William gasped contemptuously. "If someone creates a new vampire, this vampire has to be introduced to the Volturi, so that they can make sure, that the newborn is able to stick to the rules."

That was something, William had never told me. What was his problem with it? I just had to go there, say hello and leave again. No big deal, or was it?

"The problem is…", Alex began and I looked at him for the first time since we had arrived in the room. He had his arms folded across his chest, his black hair was falling into his face, nearly covering his eyes from view. His voice was low, dark. But then, he looked up and his eyes met mine. There was some feeling in them, I didn't recognize. Something seemed to be very wrong. "The problem is, that we now know about your – abilities…", he coughed. He didn't like this fact – it was too obvious. "And that they might think that you're a danger somehow. And… As they don't like William that much, they might try to – find something to use against you." He was now staring straight into my eyes. Was there the overprotective look, Edward had talked about?

"What do you mean?", I asked. The room around us seemed to slowly fade to grey, there was only the two of us, I hadn't recognized, how much I had longed for his presence. "The Volturi's duty is very noble, but some of us – like William for example – don't quite buy their nobility. They have some power in our world that nobody else has – and they are intent on keeping that power."

Intent on keeping that power… It seemed, as if I was getting some knowledge of the workings in this world. Which didn't seem to be that different from those in the human world. Nobody, who had power once, wanted to lose it to someone else. It was nothing else with the vampire's as it seemed to be. "So you mean, if I occur to be some 'danger'…", I shook my head. That was ridiculous. I didn't even know what I was doing! "To them, they might try to – deal with the problem?"

There was a hint of pain in his eyes, but he slowly nodded. "Yes."

I didn't take my eyes from his. There were too many questions in my head, too many things I wanted to know, I wanted to have HIM tell me, not Edward, because he looked into his head.

"And THAT is exactly why I won't take her there! Carlisle, they won't get to know she exists, how should they?" I snapped out of the tension that had slowly built up between Alex and me. "You don't know that, William… If they do, every one of us, who kept it from them, might be in danger. Her power is something, even I haven't seen before. We don't quite know, if it really works the way I assume, but if it does – against anyone's mental power – she will be able to control lots of things without even blinking…"

"You're kidding me…", I muttered and slowly backed away. "You DO know, that I'm in the room with you, do you?" They were talking as if I was somewhere far away, as if it was their task to decide, what I had to do. "I think you exaggerate a bit, Carlisle, don't you think?" The two were still only looking at each other. There was something, I had decided, once, Alex had told me what the matter was. "Listen!", I said, louder now, no one looked at me. Had I gone invisible? "William! No one has to _take_ me! I can go on my own!"

At once, they were facing me. "No, you can't." There was this parental tone in his voice again. "I don't need anyone to decide for me, William. If that's what the rule says, I'll obey. There's no point in being rebellious this time, right, Carlisle?", I addressed the head of the Cullen family. His look was unreadable. "Right.", he answered. "Then, that's set.", I announced with one last glance at William.

"It's not your decision, William. Remember that."

I tried to sound cold, emotionless. I had made this decision. Maybe there was a chance to get some answers I wouldn't get here.

I turned and looked at the others, that hadn't said a word. "I'm sorry for the trouble.", I said slowly. "It was nice to meet all of you." The silence didn't go, when I turned my back to them and walked out of the room.

When you have some aim to head to and you know, you have to go alone, your bravery will show or it won't. It's a time, in which you can show what you're made of. That was, what my mother had told me back in the old days. I knew, that I wasn't strong enough to go through this, but somehow, I had to try.

I wasn't bound to them anymore – or had I ever been? The night was comfortingly cold, with a purring wind whispering through the treetops.

"Lana!" There were footsteps behind me. Whoever it was, there was no point in letting him or her trying to talk me out of it. "Wait, please! I have to tell you something!" The female voice was now next to me and as I slowly turned, I looked into the eyes of the woman called Alice. I frowned.

"I saw something.", she said matter-of-factly. "What do you mean?"

"I saw you…", she said, looking into my eyes.


	8. Chapter 8 Visions

_Chapter 8, finally… :) I hope you enjoy it! Review! :) Love, B._

**Chapter 8 – Visions –**

„What do you mean by ‚you saw me'?", I asked slowly, turning towards the tiny, black-haired woman. "Did Carlisle tell you that I was able to see the future?", she asked, her golden eyes locked with mine. I found most people easy to read, but she wasn't. I tried to figure out, if I really wanted to hear what she had seen, when there were different footsteps approaching us.

Alex, Edward and Carlisle stopped a few feet away from us.

"What did you see?", I asked quietly and ran my hand through my long, dark blonde hair. But instead of answering, she grabbed my wrists and laid my hands against her temples. And there were pictures again…

It was not as overwhelming this time, as it had been before. I closed my eyes, concentrating to hold fast to reality and looked at the pictures as if they were shown on a TV screen.

_There was a dark alley with high buildings on both sides; the light of the streetlamps didn't touch the darkness in the corners all around. It was raining heavily, when suddenly a person stepped out of an entrance. He was wrapped in a long, black cloak that nearly touched the ground, with a hood pulled over the head. The person hovered in the darkness, looking from side to side, and when he looked into the direction from which I was seeing the scene, the face shone pale white from underneath the black hood._

_It was a woman. Pale like the moon in the sky, with blonde hair falling smoothly around her face. A most disturbing look in the black eyes made me shiver._

_It was me underneath the black cloak. But then, the Lana in the vision turned away and silently disappeared down the alley._

The scene went black and I opened my eyes to the scene I had left only a few seconds ago. Alice was still standing in front of me, my hands pressed against her temples. "How did you know that I would be able to see this?", I asked confused and pulled my hands back, putting them into the pockets of my jeans. "That was something I saw as well.", she answered. I nodded slowly. "I see a lot since you have arrived.", she added, slightly observing me with quick eyes.

"Why do you think is that?", I asked. The decision I had made just about half an hour ago, was fought back by other decisions and questions I had, there were too many things I needed to know, too many places I needed to see. "Because you change your mind so much…", Alice answered and laughed – it was a high, bell-like tone. "I do?" I had to smile as well. The tiny woman's laughter was easily joined. "Yes. I think since you've arrived, you have like had 30 different views of your future going on. You're keeping me quite busy!"

I still smiled at her, when I remembered the scene she had shown me. I frowned. What was the sense behind it? "What do you think does it mean?", she asked silently, shooting a quick glance at the guys that hadn't moved a bit since their arrival. "I don't really know…", I muttered. And it was the truth. The scene had been far too short and far too imprecise. "We'll find out.", Alice said and her right hand was on my cheek. "I think, I have to like you.", she said and then – she was gone.

"Weird person…", I muttered to myself, flipping my hair over my right shoulder. "I think, we need to talk.", Alex' voice lowly announced next to me and I lifted my gaze to look at him. His hair was wet, covering his forehead. He was right. I didn't even know, where I had to go, if I really wanted to go… "Don't try to run away this time.", he threatened and grabbed my wrist. "I won't." Maybe Alice was right and I _was_ changing my mind a lot… "I'll show you a silent place.", Edward said.

Moments later, we stood in a large room with a thick golden carpet and a glass wall at its end. With a quiet click, the door closed behind Edward and we were alone.

I sat down on the black leather sofa and stroke the wet hair out of my face.

"You didn't really want to leave without me, did you?" Alex was right beside me, reaching for my hand and then holding it against his cheek. His look was intense; I didn't know if it was pain or anger, he was trying to hold back. "I don't know.", I answered honestly, slowly brushing my thumb across his cheek, because of which he slowly closed his eyes.

"I was a little overstrained, I think. You know how much happened since we arrived…" My stream of thoughts trailed off, as he pressed his lips against the palm of my hand. "I'm sorry about that.", he repeated and opened his eyes to look at me again, without letting my hand fall from his face. "You don't have to be. It's not your fault." I forced my lips into a smile, trying to stay focused, when all I could feel was his skin against mine.

Was it like that when you fell in love with someone? Or had we fallen for each other long ago? I couldn't recall. It was complicated – well, no, in fact, it wasn't. All I had to do was reach for him; he wouldn't refuse, would he?

"I should have told you, that some of us do have certain powers. I should have told you that something might happen with you some day…" What did he mean by that? I snapped out of my negotiation whether to just draw him to me or not. "You knew about that?", I asked, frowning.

His hand was lying on my thigh now, weighing more than a thousand pounds. It was hard to concentrate.

"I assumed that there was something – special about you…" His voice was rough now, his hand tightened its grip on my thigh, softly massaging my skin. "You assumed that I was some kind of psycho freak?", I asked, trying hard to sound angry, but it wasn't too easy with the passion that was building up inside my stomach. Vampires were too easily distracted, that was so right. "You're no freak. Your mind has specialities nobody else's has. I saw something in your eyes, when you were still human that seemed to tell me exactly that." I gulped.

"Was that why you wanted to keep me?", it was the one question, I had played over and over in my head. "Keep you?", he asked, slipping a bit closer. "Yes, the reason why you wanted William to change me!", shaking my head, I was suddenly clear, focused – on getting answers I was desperately longing for. "I wanted him to change you, because I didn't want you to die…", he murmured, lifting his hand from my thigh.

"I know that. But why didn't you want me to die?"

It was a stupid and violate question to ask, I knew that. "I mean, you still were a vampire, how much did you care for some human's life?" Alex shook his head in disbelief. "You weren't only some human to me. The moment I saw you in that bar, heard your voice, smelled your skin, I was intrigued by you. Not because I wanted to drink your blood!"

The resignation was very present in his voice. "I thought you knew that…" He covered his face in his hands, sighing. "I didn't really see the sense in that.", was all I could say. "I didn't as well.", his voice was blank, he still didn't look at me. "All I knew was that I somehow had to get to know you, but – as you know – I wasn't able to control myself that well…"

I licked my lips, that were very dry. I didn't want those pictures to come back, not again. How do things like that happen? That the one, that treated you worse than anyone else in the whole world, that physically harmed you, was the one you couldn't live without now?

'Stockholm syndrome…', the tiny voice in my head whispered. But I knew, this was something else. "You know, how sorry I am for that, don't you? That I would give anything to make it undone?" The pleading tone in his voice made me look up again. "I know.", I said. And I really did.

It was by then, that he softly took my face in his hands and his lips – cold like marble, yet soft like velvet – touched mine.

It was the kiss, in which all the insecurities and the doubts were expressed – and brushed aside at once…


	9. Chapter 9 Left behind

Guys, I'm sorry it took me that long to update, but I was really busy. This is chapter 9, I hope you somehow like it! Read and review! I'll try to post more soon!

Happy Holidays!!! :)

Love, B.

**Chapter 9 – Left behind –**

After what seemed like an eternity, he pulled away from me, his eyes a deep black. I smiled slightly and tossed a strand of his black hair out of his face. He smiled in response, stroking my right cheek with the lightest of touches.

"So, what are you going to do now?", he asked calmly. I sighed and crossed my arms in front of my chest. "I honestly don't know…", I said frustrated and stood up, pacing back and forth. If I had to go to Volterra, I might as well just go as soon as possible. Still, an undefined fear came up when I only thought of it. "What will they do to me?", I asked, now looking at Alex again. "I mean, if I turn out to be a danger to them?" He looked at his feet, obviously unsure, what to say. "I don't really know. As far as I know, they are always searching for people to join them in their guard." Join them? I frowned. I wasn't planning on joining anything, I had just experienced how things like that could end up. "People with special abilities – just like you.", he added and ran his fingers through his hair.

"They don't need to know about my abilities, I don't have to tell them, do I?", I asked, watching his every move, as he stood up and took some steps towards me. "I don't think that's an opportunity. Aro can read minds just like Edward, although he has to touch people to read theirs… And they've got Jane.", his face turned into a disgusted mask. "She can make you believe, that you're hurt by manipulating your mind. They'll find out soon enough." Hurt people by manipulating their minds? That meant, if she would try hurting me, she would obviously hurt herself… "That's not that bad then, is it?", I asked, realizing that a sarcastic smile appeared on my lips. "They won't be able to hurt me, right?" He smiled now too. "No, I don't think so. Still, I don't think they'll just leave you be as soon as they know what you can do…" His face was full of concern again.

I shrugged. "It's not as if I really _do_ something, Alex. It just happens!" He nodded and put his right hand on my hip, as soon as he did so, it was, as if electricity rushed through my dead veins. "I just don't want anything to happen to you, Lana. Not if I can prevent it from happening. I want you to learn more about yourself, about how your mind works this stuff! And maybe, you'll be able to control it, hide it or something like that…" He was looking straight into my eyes. "You don't have to go at once, some years, maybe decades, don't mean that much in our world. There'll be no problem, I assure you."

This seemed reasonable. I didn't even know what my mind did, I needed to learn more about it and then make my way to Volterra. I gave Alex a smile and closed the space between us, pressing my chest against his. "Thank you.", I muttered, now only whispering and kissed him lightly. "For what?", he asked against my lower lip and I felt him smiling as he did so. "For being there for me…", I laughed lightly and kissed him again, drawing back only a bit. "But what am I going to do about William and the others? They'll hate me even more by now." "They don't hate you…", he began, but I cut him off immediately. "You know at least Madelyn and Mary do. They tried to hide it well, but I know that they didn't like me being the one to cause all the trouble. They liked it best the way it was before I was changed." He tilted his head from side to side, and I knew, he couldn't say anything against that. "I don't think I can stay with you guys anymore…" It was the one thing, I needed to say, yet the one thing I was absolutely scared of. 'You guys' meant that he belonged to them while I didn't…

I looked at his face, his eyes narrowed, they had now gone back to their light burgundy tone. "You don't really think that I'll leave you, right?" I tried to shrug, but he laid his hands on my shoulders, keeping them down. "Lana, if you really think that, you understood nothing of what I tried to tell you!", he nearly yelled at me now and I stopped breathing at exactly that moment. It wasn't as if I needed to breathe, anyway… But the look in his eyes was intense and a slight hint of pain hit me. "I love you.", he said simply, never taking his eyes from mine. "I want to stay with you. That's not an opportunity. That's a necessity."

I had never been a very sensitive person, but if I had been able to cry, I knew there would have been tears coming now. I didn't know how badly I had longed for something like this. This awful closeness between us had made me gone mad back then and now? It was as if all the insecurities were solved at once. "Alright.", I coughed lightly, looking at my feet, but then I lifted my gaze and held his. "I love you too…", I said, my voice merely more than a whisper.

His answering smile was dazzling, it lighted his face, lighted the whole room somehow. It felt just right.

"Okay, you want to tell the others and then find some place for us to stay?", he asked after a while, with his arms around my waist, while my head rested against his muscular chest. "I think so.", I answered and stood up straight, flexing my muscles. I felt a lot stronger now than some hours ago. Maybe I would be able to handle this, maybe there was a way to get through it all. "So, let's go.", Alex said, holding out his hand to me and I gratefully grabbed it, following him downstairs and into the great living room.

The Cullens were sitting around the low table, nobody said a word, they all looked very thoughtful, as if somebody had given them a choice to make. I carefully avoided eye contact with Edward, but I knew, he wouldn't be trying to read my mind anyway. He knew what that would cause. "Where's the others?", Alex addressed Carlisle, who sat on the edge of one of the white sofas. "They are just leaving.", he answered somehow apologetically. "We told them to wait and talk about things, but William was furious." Alex nodded and tightened his grip on my hand, dragging me towards the front door. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply. This wasn't going to be nice.

Outside, William was just getting into the car, when we hurried down the steps. I felt the appearances of seven other vampires behind us, but at least for now, I didn't turn. My eyes were tightly locked on William, whose body was tense, rigid almost. "William, wait!", Alex called, stopping in front of the car. I stood close by his side. "So, you at least decided to come with us!", William yelled and took some steps towards us. "Little miss "I can go on my own", ha?" His tone was sarcastic, angry. Who did he think he was? "I'm not going with you.", I said grimly, when Alex interrupted me. "We are not going with you.", he said, keeping his voice low.

"What?" It was Madelyn's voice that broke the short silence between us. I looked up, seeing yet another pair of angry eyes. I gulped. Why did I always have to get in between people? I hated it. "You heard me, Maddy.", Alex said, I didn't overhear him calling her by her nickname. "Lana and I are going to go off on our own." I think it was by then, that she recognized our hands, holding each other, our fingers entangled tightly. Her eyes narrowed noticeably. "You're not serious.", William muttered, now only talking to Alex. They had been together for a long time; sometimes they seemed to me like father and son or mentor and student. But I had William never seen like that as well. He seemed too self-righteous. "I am.", Alex simply said, as I looked up into his face, it seemed to have turned into stone. There were no emotions left.

Madelyn came forward, groaning slightly at me. "What did you do?", she asked. "Used some of your new found witch power on him?" She now stared right into my eyes, something she had never done before. Eye contact had always been avoided between the two of us. "I didn't do anything.", I said, believing that I had said that too often. "Yeah, right.", she shook her head, making her look like a fury. "Maddy, stop it.", Alex demanded, I thought Edward would have liked this. It somehow verified his thesis about the overprotective part.

She shifted her gaze towards him now, showing me her cold shoulder. "Alex, she's not good enough for you. Remember everything she's done in only the year she has been a vampire." He shook his head lightly, showing her he didn't want to hear any of it, but Madelyn continued; now really frustrated. "What? Did she tell you, she loved you? It's all a lie, Alex. You're going to realize that sooner or later. She's using you, that's what she does with anybody!" She shook her head again, then turned around on her heals and slammed the car door shut behind her.

I shifted my gaze and looked at William – for the last time in a long period of time, and all I could manage was. "I'm sorry for the trouble, William." His gaze burned into my eyes for a fraction of a second. I didn't know by then, that this look yet implied the decision to do something that would change the existences of us all dramatically…

I stared after the backlights of the car longer than I could have seen them, even with my improved sight. So, I only turned and focused on my surroundings again, as somebody cleared his throat behind my back. It was Carlisle, and it was by then that I saw the other members of the Cullen family standing near the front door. "I'm sorry about all of this…", Carlisle began, but I shook my head no. "Please, don't apologize. I'm the one to do that, it's my fault that this day went so horribly wrong." And I knew, that this was true. 'Keep out of trouble', my dad used to tell me whenever I left the house. I thought that maybe I ought to have listened to him. Carlisle looked at me fatherly, a look I had never seen on anybody in such an authentic way. It wasn't a role he was playing. "So, where do you plan on going?", he asked, addressing Alex now as well as myself. I threw a glance at him and we both shrugged at nearly the same time.

"What about staying here?", Alice had joined us by now, winking in my direction. I opened my mouth, but Alex answered before I had the chance to. "I don't think that's possible. We don't want to cause more trouble, right?" I agreed with a nod, feeling, that I really would have liked staying here. "You need to learn more about your power, Lana.", Carlisle commented, reassuring Alex somehow. "With Alice, Edward and Jasper around, we might be able to push it somehow and see, how it really works." He sounded excited, as if it was some kind of secret he wanted to discover. I glanced at Alex, meeting his gaze and he looked as if he wanted to leave that choice up to me. I looked at Alice, feeling a wave of sympathy towards her and Carlisle, but shouldn't I try and keep people out of things that weren't their business? Keep them out of trouble, if I couldn't stay out of it?  
I cleared my throat. "We'd love to stay, if that's okay for everyone of you. At least for a while…", I said, looking at Carlisle as the head of the family. He nodded slightly.

"Welcome!", he said warmly.


End file.
